


Ain't it like thunder under earth

by Snow_Falls



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ash is the sweetest, Dorks in Love, Eiji is a cutie, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Heist sort of, M/M, Pining, Sexual Content, boys being soft, plot if you squint, they're both dorks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 16:01:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16747105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snow_Falls/pseuds/Snow_Falls
Summary: 'Alex clarified, when again it seemed like Ash wouldn’t reply. “Whoever goes with the boss has to spend some time fooling around with him.”“Who is going with Ash?” Eiji had to ask.There was a significant pause. The boys looked at Eiji and away.'Fake dating, then real dating, with the mildest of heists thrown in for flavour.





	Ain't it like thunder under earth

**Author's Note:**

> Well, well, well. Look who is back on their shit. That's right, it's me. Listen, you can pry fake dating out of my cold dead hands. God, I love this stupid trope. 
> 
> I cannot stress enough how flimsy the plot is, please don't think about it too hard. It's just a vehicle for feels. 
> 
> In the tradition of many fic authors, I have song lyrics as my title. If you have not heard [NFWMB](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi6pLTrx94Q), I would strongly recommend you do, I listened to it a lot while writing, it's glorious. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

Ain't it a gentle sound, the rolling in the graves?  
Ain't it like thunder under earth, the sound it makes?  
Ain't it exciting you, the rumble where you lay?  
Ain't you my baby?

-Hozier, "NFWMB"

 

“So, what you’re saying is we need whatever’s on that drive?”

“Yes.” 

“And what makes you so sure he’s even going to have it on him? Why the hell would he be carrying something like that with him? Why doesn’t he just lock it in some safe somewhere?”

Ash looked skeptical, he crossed his arms and leaned his hip on the side of the armchair Eiji was sitting in. Max and Ibe were both sitting on the couch across from Eiji, other members of Ash’s gang stood around them in the little apartment living room. Eiji had been playing cards with Kong and Bones when the older men had shown up.

Max gave Ash an exasperated look. “I told you already, because we’ve been following him, and we know he carries it around everywhere.” He said again with the air of a man who has explained this same thing many times already and was running out of ways to say it differently. Which he had, and he was.

Ash didn’t look convinced, this was clearly irritating Max, but Ibe bore it with equanimity.

“We are sure,” Ibe said steadily. Ash turned his piercing gaze on him; Ibe didn’t waver.

There was a moment of rather tense silence, where everyone in the room seemed to hold their breath, waiting to see who conceded.

It only came as something of a surprise to Eiji when Ash finally nodded. He knew Ash was always on his guard, he took risks with himself, but once there were more people in play he was far more cautions. But, he also knew that Ash trusted Max and Ibe, even if at times it was somewhat grudgingly.

“Alright, so we need to find a time and place where we can get to this ‘Joe Fisher’ and get that drive.” Ash said, his gang nodded assent seemingly without conscious thought.

“Already got it covered,” said Max confidently. Ash raised his eyebrows mildly, clearly waiting to be impressed. Eiji got the impression of a vassal doing his best to bring favourable news to his haughty Lord. “Friday night, he’ll be at the underground club ‘Paradox’, there’s an event going on that night.” Here Max looked only slightly less confident, “We don’t actually know what it is.”

Ash smiled very slowly. Eiji had a bad feeling about what was making him smile like that.

“I do,” Ash said, an amused smirk firmly twisting his mouth. It was that same smirk that made him at times absolutely insufferable, and at others ridiculously alluring. Eiji had been caught by that same smirk countless times. “It’s a Substance and Sex party.”

Ibe and Max both reacted visibly. “I’m sorry, what?” Max said, with the air of someone who knows exactly what they heard, but hoped they were wrong. “Come again?”

“That’s what she said,” said Bones, without missing a beat, like he was waiting for it. The boys sniggered. Max glared at them; Eiji rolled his eyes, but was fighting a smile. Ash still looked supremely amused.

“Don’t tell me your hearing is going, old man,” Ash said, in that needling way he had, Eiji could almost feel himself become defensive reflexively. How many times had Ash turned that same tone of voice on him? How many times had he seen that teasing light in his eyes? He looked up at them now, no, that wasn’t quite right. The tone was very similar, but even when he was teasing Eiji relentlessly, Ash’s eyes were different with Eiji, softer.

Max was glaring at Ash again, but he didn’t interrupt when Ash continued. “It’s exactly what it sounds like, old timer. It’s a substance party, all kinds of nasty drugs are sold there, and everyone gets higher than the US national debt. And, of course, there are rooms for sex, or couches, floors, walls, if there are guests who aren’t quite so discriminating, or into public stuff.” He explained matter-of-factly.

Max shook his head, “You know an awful lot for a kid, been to these pretty often, huh?” He said it offhandedly, rubbing the back of his head.

“Yes,” came Ash’s even reply.

Eiji felt a pang of resentment toward Max. He knew, everyone knew, that Max hadn’t meant anything by it. But, neither Ash’s tone, nor his expression was quite so amused anymore. He brushed it off, sat on the arm of Eiji’s chair and adopted a very characteristic pose, one arm crossed over his chest, his other rested on that arm, chin in his slim fingers.

“So,” he said, breaking what was beginning to be a heavy silence, and effectively shutting down any apologizes that would have been well intentioned, but unnecessary, from Max. “We just have to get an invitation to this party, go in, find our friend Joe, and get that drive. Sounds easy.” He looked up at his gang, “Who’s up for a party?”

The boys hollered and whistled. Ibe and Max wore twin expressions of concerned parents who don’t quite know how to reprimand their children, but are sure they should be doing so.

Eiji looked up at Ash, and Ash turned to look at him. His brilliant green eyes were bright with the prospect of adventure. Ash didn’t like things to get messy, he took no joy in killing, but he was smart, a genius. If there was a puzzle to solve, a problem to think his way out of, Ash was on it, wanting to conquer it, and Eiji knew, wanting to show off. There was almost a reckless quality to Ash when he encountered situations like the one they were about to enter; there was danger, flirting with death. Ash seemed to grow bolder in the face of these kinds of risks, utterly confident in his abilities. Eiji was fond of Ash for his gentle heart, he liked him for his teasing humour, but it was this bold confidence that made Ash absolutely irresistible.

Ash smiled at him, mischief in his eyes. Eiji couldn’t help but smile back.

 

 

 

The next day Ash went out to secure himself an invitation to that party. He knew the place, he told Eiji, and breaking in while not impossible would be much too risky. Their best bet was to go in invited, they would just have to be careful to cover their tracks and raise no alarms so they could leave the same way they came in, with everyone they came in with.

Ash came back late in the evening followed by Bones, Kong, and Alex. He looked annoyed. Eiji sat on the couch in the living room folding laundry, and listening to music. He looked up when they came in, and frowned when he saw Ash’s expression. He turned off the music.

“What is it?” He asked immediately. They boys exchanged a look while Ash stomped his way over to Eiji and threw himself onto the couch, head falling firmly in Eiji’s lap.

“Hey!” He protested. He had just barely managed to keep his shirt from being trapped, and wrinkled, under Ash’s head.

Ash ignored him and sighed hugely, closing his eyes. _So dramatic_ , Eiji thought with an amusement he tried not to show. This tendency toward the dramatic was something Eiji found oddly endearing, like a cat that meows plaintively for food from a stranger when its owner has just fed it generously. He put his shirt down, and without thinking, started running his fingers through Ash’s soft blonde hair. He felt tension start to leave Ash’s body almost immediately.

He poked Ash’s cheek with a finger from his free hand and asked, “Well?”

Ash sighed again, before he replied. “I got the invite.”

Eiji waited, when Ash didn’t say anything more he turned a confused look at the other boys. They were lounging comfortably on the other couches now, all of them had removed their shoes, Eiji was pleased to see.

Alex seemed to hesitate for another moment, but when it was clear Ash wasn’t going to say more, he spoke.

“He has an invite,” Alex confirmed, “but he has to bring a guest.”

Eiji thought he must have been missing something.

“I do not understand. Is that a problem?”

“Yes,” said Ash forcefully, a hand over his eyes. Eiji had stopped his gentle combing of Ash’s hair, but his fingers were still tangled in blonde locks. After a beat, he resumed his ministrations and felt Ash relax another fraction. “Guests you bring to this party have to _participate_.” Ash said that last like it was a dirty word. “Usually that means passing them around like they’re a fucking communal bowl of chips at a frat party, but I managed to make it pretty clear that I don’t share. Still, there’s a certain amount of - _showiness_ you’re expected to display at these kinds of things. Plus Evie is there, she’ll be watching me like hawk.”

“Meaning?” Eiji asked.

“Meaning,” Alex clarified, when again it seemed like Ash wouldn’t reply. “Whoever goes with the boss has to spend some time fooling around with him.”

“At least enough time where they can see us so they won’t get suspicious.” Ash interjected. “It’s already weird that _I’m_ going, but it’s even weirder that I’m bringing someone I’m not going to share. This isn’t exactly the type of thing monogamous couples go to, I had to push hard to get them to agree. Evie’s definitely suspicious.”

“Oh.” Was all Eiji could say. There was a complicated feeling in his stomach.

“Who is going with Ash?” He had to ask.

There was a significant pause. The boys looked at Eiji and away.

“Well,” Alex started, but Ash suddenly got up. Eiji felt his fingers catch briefly on tangles in Ash’s hair, but he didn’t seem to notice. He was already up and glaring at Alex.

Alex looked away and snapped his mouth shut. Another pause.

Now Eiji was starting to worry. Was Ash going to do something dangerous? Even more dangerous than this already was?

Eiji rounded on him. “What is it? Spit it out.”

Ash glared at his boys for another second, then turned to look at Eiji in surprise when the latter hit him square in the face with a pillow.

“I am asking you a question.” Eiji said forcefully, pillow still in hand.

Ash didn’t even retaliate; he just looked like he was struggling with something. He looked away for a long moment. Ash had the expression of someone who just ate something remarkably unpleasant; he looked like he had just eaten natto, Eiji thought dryly. Ash sighed deeply, and suddenly his demeanor changed, he smiled at Eiji like they were sharing a secret.

“Come with me,” he said.

Eiji blushed spectacularly. He could feel his cheeks burn as he stared at Ash in disbelief, but the other boy was grinning at him mischievously.

“Come with me,” he repeated, like he wasn’t practically propositioning Eiji. “If they see you, they won’t be suspicious at all.”

Eiji turned to look at the other boys when he noticed them nod. He still felt like his whole face was one big ball of fire, but he couldn’t help asking, “Why me?”

The boys and Ash all exchanged looks. Bones was the one to reply. “Just look at you,” he said, gesturing toward all of Eiji’s person. “You’re so damn cute, no one’s gonna suspect you of doin’ anythin’, you know, suspect.”

“And, it can’t be one of us. They’ll never buy it, Evie knows better,” put in Alex.

Eiji looked at Ash, and then back at the boys. He could not believe this.

“You’re pefect,” Kong agreed, and smiled encouragingly. They all nodded.

“You don’t have to do this,” Ash said, after a brief moment that Eiji spent looking at his clasped hands, cheeks still hot. Eiji glanced up at him. Ash was looking at him with soft green eyes; they were beautiful, and so obviously sincere. “You can say no. You can always say no, Eiji, I mean it." 

It was the gentle way he spoke, the way he looked at Eiji that made him finally nod. His heart beat in his chest, “Okay,” he said.

Ash gazed at him for a long moment. Whatever he saw on Eiji’s face seemed to convince him, he nodded too.

“So, it’s settled,” he said, a hint of that former mischief back in his voice, “on Friday, you and I are going to an S&S party.”

 

 

 

“I look stupid.”

It wasn’t the first time Eiji had complained about his appearance, but no one paid him any mind except Bones who said reflexively, “No, you don’t.”

Eiji was sitting in a chair in front of a vanity. Across from him sat Kong who was expertly wielding pencil eyeliner. “Liquid eyeliner is good for precise looks,” he had explained to Eiji when he started, “but pencil is better for a messier look, I wanna give you, like, a smoky eye.”

“We have to do something to help distract from that ‘lost doe in the woods’ look you have going on,” Alex said somewhat offhand as he passed Bones a leather jacket, which he placed on the back of Eiji’s chair. “For you,” Alex explained.

“Yeah,” Bones agreed. “You have to look innocent, but not too innocent.”

Eiji said nothing, just closed his eyes again when Kong indicated he should, and let him continue with his makeover. The truth was, Eiji didn’t care that he was being drawn on like a piece of paper – because pencil eyeliner really did feel like an actual pencil, go figure – what he was actually worried about was whatever performance he would have to put on later at the club with Ash.

Not long after that Kong pronounced that Eiji was done. Kong leaned back and looked at Eiji, admiring his handy work, he grinned at him. Eiji smiled weakly back. He got up and put on the jacket.

“Well,” Kong prompted, “take a look!” He gestured to the full-length mirror in the room. Eiji moved reluctantly to stand in front of it.

Eiji took in his appearance slowly. He wore faded black jeans; they were ripped at the knees and thighs, and tighter than Eiji was used to. His shirt on the contrary was a bit loose, it too was faded and black, and the collar was stretched out to show off his defined collarbone. The leather jacket had safety pins and studs in the lapel, but was otherwise unremarkable. His hair had been styled too, gel and hair spray made it a bit messier in a sort of artfully careless way he had seen men in fashion magazines wear their hair. Looking at his face was the striking part. Alex was right, the black around his eyes made him look harder somehow, gave his appearance an edginess he had never seen in himself.

The boys smiled at him knowingly when he turned back to look at them.

“Come on,” Alex said with a nod of his head toward the door. “Ash is waiting for us.”

They went out into the living room where Ash sat typing furiously on his phone. Eiji felt oddly nervous standing there; he suddenly wanted to hide behind Kong.

“We’re done,” Alex prompted.

“Alright,” Ash said without looking up.

Alex shook his head and patted Eiji sympathetically on the shoulder before he and the other boys made for the door.

“We’ll be on standby, boss.” Alex said when they were at the door, Ash lifted a hand in acknowledgement, and they left.

Ash continued typing away, so Eiji went into the kitchen to get himself some water. He tried to think logically about what they were getting into. Ash was smart, exceptionally so, he could think his way out of anything. And, he had to admit, he was a good actor and a smooth talker, he could probably get them out of any real trouble or a less than comfortable situation if it came up. Plus, Eiji reminded himself, Ash had stressed to him over the last couple of days since Eiji had agreed to go with him, that he could always say no, if anything happened because of that Ash would figure out a way around it. Things would be okay; there was no real need to worry. This was fine.

He drank the water, and rinsed out his glass feeling marginally better. He turned around to find Ash was in the kitchen watching him. Eiji jumped and made a noise of surprise, he was glad he hadn’t still been holding that glass.

“You gave me a heart attack,” Eiji said hand on his racing heart. Then, “What?”

Ash was staring at him. He was looking at Eiji like he had never seen him before. There was a strange expression on his face that Eiji didn’t know how to read.

“What?” He asked again, starting to feel self-conscious.

“You look – “ Ash began, and seemed to struggle to find the right word. “Good.”

Something about the way he said that made Eiji feel like he had swallowed something warm and liquid.

“Thank you,” he managed, not quite able to meet Ash’s eye.

There was a brief pause. “We should get going,” Ash said, like he had just remembered they had somewhere to be.

“Right.”

Another short pause where neither of them moved. Then Ash abruptly turned and headed for the door, Eiji pushed away from the sink where he had fallen back in his surprise, and followed Ash.

They made their way out of the building and down the street in relative silence. At the end of the street was a paid public parking lot. They walked in passed the gates, and Ash headed straight for a bike. Eiji recognized it instantly as Shorter’s bike. Thinking about Shorter made a warm fond feeling bloom in his chest where it expanded and pressed painfully on his heart. Shorter.

Ash took out a small ring of keys from the pocket of the leather jacket he wore and hopped on the bike. There were helmets attached to the handlebars, and he turned to toss one over to Eiji who was standing at the end of the bike. Eiji thought about the careful styling done to his hair, he would probably get helmet hair, and smiled ruefully before he put it on, and then climbed on the bike. There was only a brief second of hesitation from Eiji before he put his arms around Ash. His jacket was open, so Eiji grabbed on to the edges of the jacket, and braced himself.

“Ready?” Ash called, the visor of his helmet muffling his words a little.

Eiji nodded and then realized Ash couldn’t see him.

“Yeah.”

And they were off.

Ash drove the bike exactly how Eiji would have imagined he did. He was good, seeming to control the bike with his thoughts rather than his movements, the bike moved so smoothly. He drove joyously, and a bit recklessly.

“Lean to the right!” Ash called, and Eiji did just in time for them to make a sharp turn. Eiji made a noise he didn’t even recognize, heart hammering in his chest, and Ash laughed jubilantly. Ash’s mood was infectious, his obvious joy in the breath-taking ride was difficult to ignore, and Eiji soon found himself pressed along Ash’s back. He had let go of the jacket, and put his arms as far around Ash as they would go, trying not to crush him, but distracted by the ride. He was laughing too.

Ash took them down side streets, he cut across paths that motorcycles weren’t technically allowed on, but he maneuvered so expertly Eiji wasn’t even unnerved. He trusted Ash with his life.

And Ash was showing off, Eiji knew. He wasn’t doing anything too crazy, he didn’t try to make hairpin turns, or beat the red light. Whatever Ash thought of his own life, he valued Eiji’s too much to put him in danger. But, he was showing off how well he could read the flow of traffic, how smoothly he could change lanes in the smallest spaces, and how wonderful it felt to move with the bike on turns.

It was exhilarating, it was the most fun Eiji had had in a while, and when they arrived at their destination, Eiji was sorry the ride was over. Ash parked in an aboveground parking lot similar to the one the bike was in originally, and they dismounted. When their helmets were off Eiji saw that Ash was grinning, he still had the thrill of the ride in him, and Eiji grinned back.

“Not bad, huh?” Ash prompted.

Knowing he was fishing for compliments Eiji’s initial reaction was to be contrary, but he replied with complete sincerity. “That was amazing, we should do that again.”

Ash beamed at him.

“I thought you were gonna lose your shit on that first turn, too much for your fragile heart.”

Eiji shoved him and Ash laughed. They walked out of the parking lot and onto the street. Very casually Ash put his arm around Eiji. This wasn’t completely out of the ordinary, and Eiji didn’t really notice until they were at the club. It was a literal underground club, and at the top of the stairs were bouncers, two big burly men that watched them approach with dark narrowed gazes. Eiji was suddenly grateful for the warm, protective weight of Ash’s arm around him.

The man on the right held up a hand when they got close.

“Got an invite?” He asked, in a deep booming voice.

Ash pulled out a slip of paper about the size of a business card that was covered in colourful, what Eiji thought were, scribbles. The man took it, looked it over, and then handed it to his companion who had produced an envelope to place it in.

He then took out a metal detector from his belt and waved it. Eiji and Ash had to separate and the man ran the detector over them while they stood, keys and phones in hand.

The man nodded and extended his hand open palm to them. Eiji looked at him in confusion, but Ash held out his own hand, palm up and the man took it, his companion handed him a marker, and the man wrote something on Ash’s wrist. Eiji followed his example and when he looked down at his own wrist to see what had been written, he found that it was blank. He didn’t ask questions though, because the man was then waving them in.

On the stairs Ash pressed close, putting his arm around Eiji again, and spoke quietly in his ear. “Remember, do not leave my side. Whatever anyone says, don’t go anywhere without me, if they make something of it, I’ll handle it.” He squeezed Eiji’s shoulder as they paused on the last stair. Eiji could feel Ash’s mouth close to his ear, his warm breath; he suppressed a shudder. “And, don’t forget, you can say no.”

Ash drew away to look at him; his green eyes were bright. Eiji swallowed, and then nodded. They went in.

Opening the door led to a small antechamber, like the kind in stores or restaurants, opening the second door immediately let out a burst of noise that made Eiji jump and press against Ash. They were in a club. There must have been the most efficient soundproofing ever to exist on that club because Eiji had only heard faint sounds a moment before. Now that he could hear the music however he realized he had been feeling the vibration of the bass from out on the stairs. The music seemed like it would be literally deafening.

Eiji didn’t know what he had been expecting really, but it looked like any other club to him. There was a bar, tables along the sides, a stage, and a space for dancing, this was it? Ash led them in; he walked confidently through the throng of people, passed the dance floor all the way to the back. To the left of the stage there was a door. Again, Ash opened it without any hesitation and they walked in.

Here again they were in another vestibule, this one only muffled about half the noise from the club. Two more big men stood at the entrance. One of them held out his hand palm up, like the bouncer had at the first entrance. They walked forward and held out their wrists. The man passed a black light over them, nodded, and opened the door behind him for them to pass.

Eiji felt like he was in a spy movie. He was in disguise, passing the sentries that guarded their destination like they were about to pull off a heist, and he supposed they were. Eiji did enjoy heist movies, he just never thought that if he were ever to be in a heist kind of situation he would end up being the arm candy.

The first thing Eiji noticed when they walked into this new room was that there were a lot of things happening at once. Here too there was a bar, and people dancing, but the ceilings were low, and even though it was a fairly wide space, it gave the place an almost cramped feeling. The lights were dim, there was music playing, and there were red plush curtains hung along the walls. The floors were painted black, which Eiji thought was a poor design choice because it made the debris on it stand out. There were couches and tables off to the sides and there were a lot of people moving. Looking around Eiji realized a lot of them were in various stages of “fooling around,” as Alex had put it, even people that were on the dance floor, Eiji noted with some surprise. He tried not to stare.

Ash took it all in impassively, and Eiji tried to copy him. They moved through the people toward the bar. They headed straight toward a couple that was sitting close together on the stools, backs against the bar, and they watched them as Ash and Eiji approached.

“Evie, Morgan,” Ash said by way of greeting.

Evie smiled slow and sultry. She was beautiful, dark eyes and hair, and she was looking at Ash like he was the last piece of cake in a bakery. Eiji was afraid she might really eat him.

“Ash,” she replied, and said his name like it meant something else. She turned her gaze on Eiji. “My, and who is this sweet thing?” The way she looked at Eiji didn’t make him feel any better.

Ash pressed Eiji more firmly into his chest.

“I told you about him,” Ash said mildly, like he was commenting on the weather.

Evie didn’t look dissuaded by his tone, she was openly assessing Eiji. She tucked long brown hair behind her ears and leaned forward slightly to look at him.

“Well, isn’t he just the cutest. What do you say, sweet thing, do you want to play with us?” She bit her bottom lip suggestively, and smiled.

Ash rolled his eyes and sighed like he was being mildly irritated, but his grip on Eiji was starting to become bruising.

“I told you,” Ash said, sounding only a little exasperated, “I don’t share.”

“The night is young.” Evie replied, still looking at Eiji.

The person beside her, Morgan, put a hand on her shoulder. Evie finally turned away from Eiji then, and he felt himself drop some of the tension in his shoulders. Ash’s grip loosened a small fraction.

“Let them do whatever they want,” Morgan said calmly. “This is a party, after all.”

Evie leaned back on the bar, picked up a glass behind her, and drank, still smiling at them.

"I'll be waiting if you change your mind." Evie winked at them over the rim of her glass.

Morgan leaned forward now and held out a hand, Ash put out his own and took something from him.

“On the house, have fun.” Was all Morgan said.

Ash nodded, pocketed whatever he had been given, and then smoothly turned them. Eiji could feel eyes on them as they walked away. They went over to a relatively empty space in a corner of the room. There were coats, sweaters, and bags scattered on the couch there, but Ash just pushed them aside and motioned for Eiji to sit. As soon as he sat Ash’s arm was back around him.

They simply sat for a moment and watched the room. Ash leaned in and spoke in Eiji’s ear.

“See that guy in the grey shirt with the earring, dancing with the blonde in the red? That’s him.”

Eiji did see. Joe Fisher was a very plain looking person. He had one of those faces that you saw and almost immediately forgot. He wondered what he was up to that granted him an invitation to a place like this.

“The best time to get that drive from him will be when he goes to the rooms.”

After a few minutes of dancing with the blonde they started making out, faces pressed passionately together. Joe ran his hands all over her unabashedly, and she didn’t seem to mind at all. Soon they broke apart, and she was pulling him toward a hall and around a corner.

“Okay,” Ash murmured. “Show time.”

He pulled back slightly and they looked at each other. Eiji nodded, just the slightest movement of his head, and then Ash drew closer. He ducked his head and then was kissing Eiji’s neck.

Despite the fact that he knew it was coming, or something like it, Eiji was still completely surprised by the act. He made a noise he couldn’t hear with the ringing in his ears, and closed his eyes.

Ash’s mouth was warm and wet and he kissed down Eiji’s neck slowly. Eiji felt his breathing come in faster despite himself, he had never done anything like this before, and it was Ash. He felt him suck gently on the skin at the base of Eiji’s neck, and then he felt Ash’s teeth. Eiji gasped, and his hands were fists in Ash’s jacket, he felt his tongue slowly run over the same spot soothingly. Ash’s mouth on his neck was the sweetest torture Eiji had ever experienced, he felt pleasure sit low and warm in his stomach, run up his spine like liquid fire.

Ash kissed him slowly, sweetly, as he moved back up his neck, on the other side this time. Eiji was a tumult of confused emotions and he wasn’t sure if it was okay to enjoy this. Eiji’s heart brimmed with so much feeling it hurt, he wanted this, he wanted it very much. But, he wanted Ash to want it too, and it hurt more than he thought it would to think that Ash didn’t, that these sweet kisses weren’t for Eiji or Ash, but for Evie and Morgan.

Eiji made another sound he couldn’t help when Ash’s mouth was at the line of his jaw. He felt Ash’s hand on the other side of his face, his thumb gently caressing his cheek. Ash gave him a small sweet kiss behind his ear and pulled away. Eiji opened his eyes to look at him in a daze, he had no idea what kind of expression he was wearing, but he felt his cheeks burn at Ash’s look. Even in this dim light Eiji could see that Ash’s eyes had very little green in them now.

Ash pulled out the small bag from his pocket, it was what Morgan had given him, Eiji realized, and drew out something. He palmed it, and then put the bag back in his pocket.

Ash gazed back at Eiji; he turned his steadiest look on him.

“Trust me,” he said, and placed a small blue pill on his tongue, and pulled Eiji forward into a kiss.

This, at least, was familiar. But, unlike the first time, Eiji didn’t tense up. As soon as Ash’s mouth was on his he surrendered, he gave himself over immediately to the kiss, opening his mouth without prompting, and feeling the thrill of having Ash’s tongue in his mouth again. He felt the pill move into his mouth, he swallowed.

Eiji didn’t remember moving his hands, but they were up around Ash’s shoulders and in his hair. They were pressed very close together, as close as they could be without Eiji sitting in his lap. He thought if Ash pulled him into it, Eiji would go willingly, he would take everything Ash offered him.

He had thought about that long ago kiss many times before, tried to make himself accept that it meant nothing to Ash, and so should mean nothing to Eiji. But, he spent so long remembering the way that kiss had made him _feel_ that it was hard to convince himself that he didn’t want to do it again, but this time because they both wanted it.

And, Ash was an exceptionally good kisser. Eiji didn’t have any frame of reference, but he knew that must be true. Ash kissed him deeply; he moved his lips and tongue with purpose, like he really wanted Eiji to feel it, like he wanted him to enjoy it, like he really meant it. And, Eiji kissed him back fervently because, of course, _Eiji_ meant it, he meant it so desperately he thought his heart might burst with everything he was feeling. His body was alive with want, and everything he thought and felt was Ash.

Eiji felt Ash’s hand on the inside of his thigh, he felt it run slowly up, and just the proximity was almost too much. Ash didn’t even touch him, but Eiji moaned into his mouth, and he felt Ash press more firmly against his thigh. Eiji was about five seconds away from climbing into Ash’s lap when Ash pulled back. Eiji chased his lips instinctively, eyes closed, and felt Ash take his face in both hands; he gave Eiji one last long lingering kiss, before he pulled away.

“Eiji,” he said softly, and like his name _meant_ something. Eiji opened his eyes.

Ash was looking at him with that same strange expression from before.

“Let’s go,” he said, and stood up, offering Eiji his hand. Eiji took it without thinking, and felt immediately uncomfortable with standing because he was decidedly hard.

He tried to ignore it as Ash put his arm around him, hand pressed into the small of Eiji’s back, and steered them toward the same corridor and around the corner Joe and his friend went down.

They came into a hallway full of doors. They had numbers and signs on them, the numbers seemed random, and the signs didn’t say “vacant” or “occupied” they had the names of colours on them: violet, azure, marigold, crimson. As they walked down the hall they could hear the sounds of muffled voices raised in pleasure. Eiji felt his ears burn.

They walked over to the door numbered “18” with a sign that read “EMERALD,” and Eiji noticed the small keypad under the doorknob. Ash pressed in a code and then opened the door.

The room looked much like the one they had come from. The lights were already on, and Eiji could see that there were curtains hung on the walls here too, but they were the colour from the door, emerald. There was a double bed in the middle of the room, a bedside table with a lamp, a chair and desk, and a full-length portable mirror. Ash let go of Eiji, turned back, and locked the door; he surveyed the room for half a second and then motioned Eiji toward the bed. Eiji went hesitantly; surely the acting portion of the evening was done, there was no one here. Surely they wouldn’t _use_ the bed.

Eiji sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Ash took off his jacket and placed it on the back of the chair. He turned to Eiji and then sat beside him.

“Here,” he said, and helped Eiji out of his own jacket. The shirt he was wearing pulled to the side and slipped easily over his shoulder. Ash traced the line of skin with his gaze, and then slowly with the tips of his fingers. Eiji’s heart beat hard in his chest.

Ash brought his lips to Eiji’s ear and spoke softly, “Just another second.” And then pushed him down onto the bed.

Eiji watched Ash wide eyed as he braced himself above Eiji. He felt like his brain had stopped working. Ash took his wrists and pushed them into the mattress above his head, Eiji’s breath caught, and he felt heat shoot straight through him to pool low in his abdomen. He licked his suddenly dry lips.

Just then Eiji faintly heard and felt Ash’s phone buzz. He let go of Eiji and checked it, then breathed a sigh of relief.

“Okay,” he said gratefully, “coast is clear.” Then sat up. Eiji had to take a second to calm his breathing, and then he sat up too.

“What - ?” Eiji began, not sure what to ask first.

“Morgan texted me,” Ash explained. He got up and put his jacket back on. “There are cameras in the rooms, they’ve been disabled, and Evie’s being distracted, but we don’t have long.”

“Morgan is helping? I thought, um, he – “ Eiji started uncertainly.

“They,” Ash corrected, and then went on. “Yeah, Morgan’s an old acquaintance, from back when I did come to these shitty parties. Anyway, I have their help, but I have to move now.” He stood in front of Eiji, green eyes very serious. “Ten minutes. When I leave set a timer on your phone for ten minutes. If I’m not back by then, you text the number I put into your phone, send them “Jade” and they’ll know. Do not leave this room, understand?”

Eiji nodded. He wished he could go too, he wished he could be more help to Ash than sit around and wait for him. But this wasn’t his world, and his skill set wasn’t much use in this setting.

“Good.” Ash made as if to go, and then turned back, still with that serious expression. “Oh, and you should probably make some noise in here.”

“What?”

“You know,” Ash gestured to the bed. “Maybe jump on the bed a little, hit the wall, yell some stuff. ‘Oh, yes, Ash you’re the best! Yes!’ You know, really sell it.”

Eiji stared at him, Ash’s lip twitched. Eiji felt his face burn and kicked at Ash’s shin. He missed; Ash sidestepped easily, he was laughing.

“You ass! I am not – I won’t - !” Eiji sputtered.

Ash just laughed harder and waved it away.

“Alright, alright.” He grinned, “I’m just sayin’, it would really sell this. I’m very good.”

Eiji glared at him. “Go already.”

Ash laughed and went to the door.

“Be careful,” Eiji said when Ash’s hand was on the knob. Ash turned back and smiled at him, softer, without the mischief.

“You know me.”

And then Eiji was alone.

He sighed and fell back onto the bed. He put his hands on his face and lay there like that for a long moment. Then he remembered where he was and suddenly thought better on lying on the bed. He got up and walked around the room. Eiji pulled back the curtains and looked at the walls. They were solid blocks of concrete, pitted, and with some graffiti here and there. Eiji went over to the bedside table and opened the top drawer. A decidedly used bottle of lube, an open box of condoms, spermicide – he closed it and didn’t open the others. Eiji looked over at the mirror. It sat on wheels and he pushed it a little, it rolled smoothly on the painted black floor. He saw that there were faint tracks from where it had been dragged around the room, he glanced at the bed and was pretty sure he knew why such a big mirror was included in the room. He was just surprised it wasn’t mounted on the ceiling.

Eiji went to sit on the chair. The desk was just a flat slab of wood on legs, no drawers or anything on there, he had checked. There were dirty words, poems, jokes, names, initials, and surprisingly well-done explicit drawings written and carved into the wood. Eiji regarded it idly, it reminded him of school desks. But his school days felt years and worlds away.

He sighed again and drew his legs up onto the chair hugging them and resting his chin on his knees. He hoped Ash was okay, that whatever happened, whatever he did he would be okay, and he would come back whole and safe. He tried not to think about the way Ash had been touching him, about the way that had felt, he tried to think about anything else, but his mind kept tripping on Ash. He couldn’t stop feeling it, his touch, his taste, and the heat of his skin, his mouth. Eiji pressed his forehead against his knees when he felt emotion well in his throat and prick at his eyes.

He loved Ash. Eiji let himself think it. He had been in love with Ash for some time. It was hard, impossible really, to pinpoint the moment when it happened, but Eiji had just suddenly looked at him one day and knew. By then he realized he had loved Ash for some time already. It had been a strange truth to accept, that he was in love with this difficult beautiful boy, but even though Eiji had never been in love before he never doubted that was what he felt. He had understood then what people meant when they said when you feel it, you know. He knew, he knew.

And it hurt to think after this they would go back to Ash’s apartment, the one they shared. That they would go back to how they had been, casual touches, nothing more than a pat on the arm, or a brief hug of comfort. They would sleep in the same room, in separate beds. He would lie next to Ash, hear his breathing, and ache for him.

Eiji let himself sink into these pitiful thoughts. He let them have him; he didn’t fight the tide as they all washed over him. Eiji let himself be carried. Later, he would pick himself up and dust himself off, but for now he let himself pine.

The timer on his phone went off and Eiji’s head snapped up. His heart was beating from surprise but also with a growing sense of dread. Where was Ash? Eiji got up and stood by the door, phone clutched in his hand. He should do what Ash had asked; he should do it now. He listened hard. Eiji put his hand on the doorknob.

But, just then it turned and Eiji had to jump back. Ash came in. He looked a little rumpled, but otherwise fine. He stepped in and carefully closed the door behind him. Ash ran a hand through his hair and looked at Eiji questioningly.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” said Eiji guiltily.

Ash didn’t seem convinced. “Did you text like I said to?”

Eiji crossed his arms over his chest. “I was just about to.”

Ash narrowed his eyes at him. He sighed hugely, long, and suffering.

“I thought we agreed.”

“I know, I was going to!”

“Well you should have been faster!”

“I said I know!”

They looked at each other, and then Eiji rolled his eyes and the corner of Ash’s mouth curled up. He nodded his head to the door.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Ash opened the door and motioned for Eiji to go first. He did and they walked out. When they got to the main room Eiji had to stare determinately forward. He tried not to listen to the sounds that were audible over the music. Ash put his arm around him again and they left the way they had come.

Outside the bouncers didn’t even bid them farewell, just watched them walk away. Eiji shivered lightly in the chill air, he realized he had forgotten his jacket in the room.

“Here,” Ash draped his own jacket over Eiji’s shoulders.

“What about you?” Eiji protested weakly. He wasn’t one for the cold.

Ash shrugged. “I’m tough. Plus, what’s that saying? ‘Fools never get sick,’ or something like that?”

Eiji snorted. It was a Japanese idiom, he had taught it to Ash recently.

“Idiots can’t catch colds.” He said, and then looked at him sidelong. “You are not an idiot.”

Ash smiled a little. “Aren’t I?”

Eiji felt like Ash was talking about something else, but didn’t know what to say in reply, so he changed the subject.

“Everything went okay?”

Ash nodded, “Just fine, didn’t even have to fuck him or anything.”

Eiji winced a little at the hard edges of the words and the way they were said.

They were at the parking garage, and said nothing more.

The ride back to the apartment didn’t have quite the same mood as the first one. It was still exhilarating, but it didn’t feel like Ash was there with him. It felt like he was somewhere else, and that even though Eiji was pressed against him, he wasn’t aware of him, or thinking about him. Which was funny because Eiji couldn’t seem to stop thinking about Ash.

Getting back to their apartment was equally quiet. They met some of their neighbours on the elevator up. A young wealthy couple come back from a night on the town. Despite the fact that Ash was dressed simply in his white shirt and jeans, and even despite the state of dress Eiji was in, the young couple was clearly taken in by Ash’s charm. He spoke politely, he made them laugh, and it seemed to Eiji, like he even flirted with both of them. In any case they both looked like if Ash invited them back to his apartment, they would say yes.

He didn’t of course, and when the couple got off on their floor, extracting promises from Ash he would never keep to give them a call, the silence resumed. There was awkwardness in the silence as they came back to their apartment; Eiji didn’t know how to ease it. Ash lingered by the doorway as Eiji took off his shoes.

“What is it?” He asked looking back at him.

“I should get this to Max,” he put a hand on his jean pocket and Eiji understood him to mean the drive.

“Oh. Right now?” It was very late.

“Yeah. I won’t be long, but you should just get some sleep. Good night.” And he turned and walked back out the door.

Eiji stood there for a moment before he locked the door and went over to the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of water, drank it in one, and moved to the bathroom. On the edge of the sink by the soap was a small bottle of olive oil, Eiji looked at it not comprehending before he remembered why it was there. Kong had told him he could use it to take off the makeup, worked better than soap, and didn’t sting. Eiji poured the oil over a wad of cotton and took off the makeup. His eyelids felt heavy with the oil, but it was nice to see his face again. It wasn’t that he hadn’t really enjoyed the way it looked; he had just felt uncomfortable, like it was drawing too much attention. When that was done Eiji got his pyjamas and took a quick shower. Considering where they had come from, he thought it was important that he did.

When he was done washing up Eiji made his way to the bedroom. He kept the light in the entryway on, but everything else was off. The lamp on the bedside table was the only illumination in the room. Eiji sat on his bed and deliberated. He looked at the time, then at Ash’s bed, and then at the door. He sat in his own bed and turned on the TV, he was going to wait until Ash came back.

He tried to, anyway. Eiji was watching an action movie, he had hoped the loud noises and explosions would keep him awake, but he felt his eyelids grow heavy, closed them in a blink, and then was asleep.

What woke him was the sudden end of the noise. Someone had turned off the TV. Eiji rubbed at his eyes, he had fallen over to the side on a mountain of pillows, he sat up and blinked at Ash. He stood with the remote in hand looking at him with an amused expression. Eiji felt some of the tension leave him, whatever mood he had been in before, it seemed he had left it behind in his outing.

“Watching movies passed your bedtime?”

“You are the one out passed curfew.”

They smiled at each other. Ash put the remote down and then came to sit beside him. He looked down at his hands, took a deep breath, and let it out in a rush. He looked up at Eiji with those lovely green eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Ash said.

“For what?”

Ash frowned at him. “For – everything. For what I did to you.” Ash glanced down at the base of Eiji’s neck and then looked away.

Eiji felt himself blush. He had found it earlier when he was washing up, a small red bruise at the base of his neck, just barely visible over the collar of his shirt.

“It is okay.”

Ash’s looked at him sharply. “’Okay’? How is that ‘okay’?”

Eiji had expected something like this. He thought he might be embarrassed, well he was a little, but it wasn’t the strongest thing he felt. He was more concerned about what Ash was feeling, he was worried he would punish himself needlessly, or create distance between them. He considered carefully how to explain to him that it really was okay.

“I did not say no,” Eiji tried. But that only seemed to darken Ash’s expression.

“Just because you don’t say no doesn’t mean it’s yes.” Ash said grimly, not looking at him.

Eiji bit his lip. He turned over what he wanted to say in his mind again and again. He thought about other things he could say, ways to say what he meant without actually saying it, he thought about the look on Ash’s face, and finally just said what he felt.

“I liked it.”

Eiji heard his heart beat loudly in the silence that followed. His chest felt suddenly too tight, part of him wanted to take back the words. Whatever fell out between them now would be Eiji’s fault. He tried to accept that. He clasped his hands tightly together.

Ash turned to look at him slowly. His expression was complicated, but Eiji could see the surprise in it, the wonder.

“What?”

Eiji swallowed, felt his face burn. He couldn’t keep eye contact when he spoke.

“I liked it,” he repeated, quietly, forcing the words out. “I wanted it.”

Ash shifted, his hand was on the side of Eiji’s face. “Eiji.” He said.

Eiji looked up. Ash looked pained, like Eiji had hit him. His eyes were moving over Eiji’s face, like he was trying to figure out if there was another meaning to Eiji’s words.

Ash licked his lips. “You did?” His voice was equally quiet.

This time he didn’t look away. “Yes.”

They gazed at each other. Then Ash moved, very slowly. Eiji felt his breath catch in anticipation, he moved too.

The kiss this time was slow and sweet. It felt like the culmination of everything that happened that night, of everything they had ever gone through together. Eiji kissed Ash with all the emotions he had inside him. He wanted Ash to feel it, to taste it in his kiss.

It was everything Eiji wanted, and it wasn’t enough. His emotions felt too big for his body, he didn’t know what to do with them, but he couldn’t keep them in, he had to give them all to Ash.

When Ash pulled away, they were both breathing hard. They looked at each other.

“I love you.”

It just came out. Eiji hadn’t meant to say it. He hadn’t meant to tell Ash already. It wasn’t like Eiji had some kind of plan, he had no idea what he was doing, but if he had planned anything it wouldn’t have included saying that to Ash just yet. Ash stared at him with wide green eyes. Eiji was ready to burrow under the blankets and never come out.

He started pulling away, face red with shame, regret burning in his stomach, he tried to stammer something. But Ash caught his face again.

“Wait, Eiji. Eiji.” The way Ash said his name always pulled at something in Eiji, he couldn’t help looking up at him.

Ash didn’t look like he wanted to move away, he didn’t look apologetic either, like he was going to reject Eiji’s feelings. He looked like he was struggling with something.

“I – I – “ Ash started, stopped, and tried again. “I – “ He made a frustrated noise, and dropped his forehead against Eiji’s.

“It is okay,” Eiji said soothingly, understanding. He put a hand up to stroke Ash’s back gently.

“It’s not that I don’t.”

“I know.”

They stayed like that for another moment longer.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes.”

Eiji was pushed gently to lie on his back, Ash’s weight on him, their mouths pressed together, this time with more urgency. Ash moved to drag his lips over the sensitive skin of Eiji’s neck, he gasped, he really did like that.

Everything was different now, everything felt better, it felt real. Knowing that Ash wanted everything they were doing was the difference, that knowledge filled Eiji’s heart and heated his body.

Their hands moved, touching tentatively, then boldly when the other encouraged him. The first brush of fingers on skin was electric; they were breathing hard, and suddenly pulling on their clothing. They looked at each other for permission, and then their clothes fell to the floor. There was so much skin, Eiji thought dizzily, that seemed obvious, but it was a wonder to look and _feel_ that Ash was covered everywhere in skin. Eiji couldn’t stop touching him.

They kissed each other again and again. Ash kissed the line in the middle of Eiji’s chest, the birthmark on his hip, the mole on the small of his back, the muscle on the curve of his thigh. Eiji kissed Ash too, he touched every scar he could find, pressing his lips reverently to the raised skin, silently thanking God, Kami-sama, anyone who could hear him that none of these scars had taken Ash from the world, from Eiji. That all they did was create a pattern on white skin that Eiji longed to memorize.

Eiji was laying half on top of Ash, kissing the line of his jaw, listening to his uneven breathing, marveling at the way that running never seemed to wind Ash, but touching Eiji made him breathe harder than Eiji had ever seen.

Suddenly Ash was pushing him, Eiji fell onto his back in surprise. Ash was leaning over him, eyes very dark.

“What do you want?”

It took a moment for Eiji’s mind to properly process the words. He had wanted to feel what it was like to press his mouth to Ash’s long elegant neck, so he had been doing just that.

“I – “ Eiji swallowed. “I do not know.” He said honestly.

Ash looked at him, then smiled a little.

“First time?”

Eiji felt himself flush.

“Yes.”

Ash didn’t tease him; instead he kissed him, long and slow.

“I’ll make you feel good.” Ash promised on a breath when they drew apart.

“I know.”

Ash kissed him again, like he couldn’t help it.

When they broke apart this time Ash was smiling again, a hint of mischief in his eyes. Eiji braced himself.

“Should I just start listing positions? Acts? We could look stuff up too, if you want.”

Eiji gave him a dry look, and Ash laughed. He nudged Eiji’s cheek with his nose.

“There must be something, you’ve never thought about it?”

As it happened, Eiji had thought about it. He felt the flush on his cheeks creep down along his neck. Ash must have noticed because he was smirking at him, a knowing expression of his face.

Ash kissed his nose, then his cheek, and his ear.

“Will you tell me?”

Eiji bit his lip. He had a hand on Ash’s bicep, he dropped his gaze there, ran his fingers over the swell of muscle. He felt his body heat up just thinking about it.

“You don’t have to.” Ash said softly, after Eiji continued to struggle with his words.

Eiji shook his head. He should just say it. Just say it.

“I want – “ Eiji had to clear his throat. He still couldn’t look at Ash. “You.”

There was a beat of silence.

“How?”

Eiji looked at him confused. “What?”

“How do you want me?”

Eiji felt his face burn. How could Ash just say things like that? Saying these things out loud was probably the worst thing ever.

He struggled again. He had to force the words out, gaze firmly trained on Ash’s arm.

“In – me.” He finally managed.

Eiji felt like his whole body was flushing, he brought his hands up to cover his face.

“Hey,” Ash said gently, he touched Eiji’s wrists softly, but didn’t pull. “Don’t be embarrassed.”

“Easy for you to say,” was Eiji’s muffled retort.

He could practically hear the smile in Ash’s voice.

“Want me to dirty talk? I’m pretty good.”

Eiji removed his hands. “No!”

Ash laughed. He kissed Eiji’s face, still laughing. He kissed Eiji’s mouth, his smile getting in the way.

“You – “ kiss “are - “ kiss “just – “ kiss “so – “ kiss “ _cute_.”

Eiji was smiling now too, he swatted Ash’s shoulder, and rolled his eyes. They smiled at each other.

“Hold on a second.” Ash said, moving away and sitting up. Eiji got up too, looking at him in confusion. “I’ll be right back, don’t worry.” He kissed Eiji’s forehead, and left the room.

Eiji sat on the bed feeling strange. All this was very new to him. He knew it was stupid, but he wished he had just gone with Ash, wherever he went, instead of staying there to wait on the bed uncomfortably. Eiji fidgeted. He was still wearing his underwear. He considered whether or not he should take it off now. He didn’t.

Ash came back not even a minute later, he carried a small bag that he put on the bedside table, but not before taking out a small bottle and square foil packets. Eiji felt his heart beat pick up. Ash climbed back onto the bed and tossed the things aside, but not far, and kissed him. He coaxed Eiji down again, and his hands went to the band of Eiji’s underwear. Without missing a beat, Eiji lifted his hips, and he felt the surprise in Ash’s body, but it was gone with the last bit of clothing he drew off Eiji.

Ash was next, and then they were both naked. Pressing together was a sensation that made them both moan. They were touching again. When Ash’s hand closed around Eiji he broke away from the kiss and gasped. The heat of Ash’s hand wasn’t like anything Eiji had imagined, and he had imagined it. He pressed himself as close as he could to Ash, he urged him to keep going, to touch more. Ash did.

Eiji was breathing hard, his hands were fists in the bed sheets, and his eyes were closed tight. Ash’s hand moved expertly, drawing pleasure out of Eiji that he had never experienced before. Far sooner than he knew he should be, he felt himself at the edge.

He tried to tell Ash. “Wait,” he gasped, “I – “ he broke off with a choked sound, and came. The rush of heat that ran through him made his vision white and his back arch. Ash only stopped when Eiji made a noise of protest.

Ash kissed his forehead, then his cheek as Eiji caught his breath. He opened his eyes and looked at Ash. He looked very pleased with himself, but not that insufferable smugness when he was showing off, it was actual genuine pleasure to have made Eiji climax. Eiji pulled him down and kissed him.

“Ash,” he said.

Ash nodded. He got the bottle, nudged Eiji’s legs open, and pressed in.

It wasn’t unpleasant, but it was an odd sensation. Eiji bit his lip as Ash moved his finger; he worked slowly, letting Eiji adjust. He watched Eiji’s face, he paused to kiss him, and little by little the sensation changed. By the time Ash had three fingers in him Eiji was panting and hard again.

“Please,” he gasped. “Ash – “

What little breath Eiji had was stolen when Ash kissed him again, he felt his fingers withdraw, and clenched involuntarily. Ash made a noise in the back of his throat and then broke the kiss. He sat up and got the condom. Eiji watched him. There was something unbearably erotic about watching Ash put on a condom. Next time he would have to ask Ash to let him do it.

Ash was above him again, and for a moment they just looked at each other.

“Tell me to stop, if you want, if it hurts.” Ash said seriously.

“The same goes for you.”

Another slow sweet kiss. With their foreheads pressed together, Ash slowly pushed in.

Eiji cried out at the first push.

“Are you okay?” Ash froze, worried.

“Yes,” Eiji managed. He put his arms around Ash, kissed him blindly. “Keep going.”

He did.

Then it became difficult to focus on anything other than the sensation of Ash inside him. The feel of him dragging hotly in and out was going to drive Eiji crazy. He wasn’t aware of the noises he made, he pressed his fingers into Ash’s back, and urged him in deeper, to give him more.

The emotions in Eiji’s heart, rather than become satisfied with the fact that they were finally finding physical expression, were welling bigger inside him. He was filled with so much love for Ash in that moment Eiji felt he might burst with it. Was Ash feeling this too? That seemed incredible, it seemed like the height of hubris to imagine Ash could possibly feel anything for him like what Eiji was feeling, and yet, and yet –

Ash shifted, changed his angle, and Eiji cried out again. Ash pressed his face to Eiji’s neck, sucked lightly on his skin, and didn’t stop hitting that spot that made heat coil hard in Eiji’s stomach.

It felt like it was much too soon when Eiji was close again. He kissed Ash’s shoulder, and every part of Ash’s face he could reach.

“Ash, I – “

Ash lifted his head to look at him. His beautiful face framed by blonde hair, brilliant green eyes dark, Eiji was caught in them. It happened then, with their eyes on each other. He thought he said Ash’s name, but he wasn’t sure, he struggled but couldn’t keep his eyes open, his head felt light, and for a second Eiji thought, without any real concern, he might black out. He didn’t, but he shook hard, and realized distantly that Ash was coming too. He forced his eyes open then; he wanted to see what Ash’s face looked like when it was caught in pleasure. He looked pained, his eyebrows drawn together, mouth open, face flushed exquisitely. Eiji felt his heart squeeze.

Ash stopped moving after a moment, let some of his weight fall on Eiji, and pressed their foreheads together. They breathed each other’s air.

Eiji felt something wet hit his cheek; he realized Ash was crying. Startled and concerned he put his hands on Ash’s face.

“Ash,” he asked, feeling his own eyes start to water in response; he was too emotional right now to react any other way. “Are you alright? What is it?”

Ash looked up, lifting his head, after a short moment. Tears fell freely from his eyes.

“I’m okay.”

Eiji looked at him in disbelief.

“Did you - ? Was it not - ? Do you wish we did not - ?”

Ash shook his head stopping Eiji’s attempts at coherence.

“No, I just – “ Eiji gently brushed his tears away. “I’m – _happy_.”

He was too much for Eiji’s heart. Ash laughed a little, “Don’t you cry too.” He wiped Eiji’s cheeks dry with careful fingers.

“I love you.” Eiji said it with all the emotion in his heart. With everything he felt for Ash, with the strength of everything that had just passed between them.

The way Ash looked at him made Eiji feel warm all over. He thought if he were standing that look would make his knees weak. Ash opened his mouth, and then closed it. Eiji smiled softly.

“Tell me when you are ready to. Promise?”

Ash smiled too. “I promise."

They drew apart and then Ash helped Eiji to the bathroom. They washed together, the hot water felt wonderful on Eiji’s sore body. It was an acutely intimate moment, almost more so than what they had just done. Eiji could feel it almost tipping into unbearably embarrassing at moments, but Ash was gentle with him, so careful. Eiji had to be stern with Ash to stop treating him like he was made of glass. It didn’t really work, but at least there was an attempt made.

When they were clean again they moved to Ash’s undisturbed bed. They settled under the covers together, Ash pressed his face to Eiji’s chest, Eiji’s arms around him, fingers in Ash’s hair, he felt Ash breathe deep and exhale long.

A thought suddenly struck Eiji.

“What was that pill?”

He could feel Ash’s laughter.

“Placebo.”

“Morgan gave you fake drugs?”

“Oh no,” Ash said, his words a little muffled from Eiji’s shirt. “They gave me the real stuff, I just switched it out. I threw them away,” he added.

Eiji nodded, satisfied. After a beat Ash spoke again.

“Thank you for coming with me.” Ash said quietly, into Eiji’s chest, and he almost couldn’t make out his words.

Eiji smiled. “Of course. I will go where you go, always.”

He felt Ash press more firmly into him. Then they slept, warm, and content. 

**Author's Note:**

> *Strums guitar* What am I doing with my liiiiiiife???
> 
> I don't know. But, classic Ash pulling the old pill in the mouth move, any excuse to kiss Eiji, amirite? I know that move is like old news in this fandom, but I'm not over how good that kiss was. Damn. 
> 
> I never meant for this fic to take that last fairly explicit turn, imagine my surprise when it did. Ash turned out way more playful than I had intended too, I thought I should make him more serious, but he was just so sweet and enjoying his time with Eiji so much I didn't have the heart to do it. So, it is what it is. 
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](http://nightofviolet.tumblr.com/) for more of my nonsense!


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